THINKING ERRORS FOR FAKING GOOD...
- SUPER-OPTIMISM: Believing that things are a certain way or will be a certain way just because you believe they will be. you function according to what you want, not the facts.
- BUILDUPS: Using everything you perceive as positive as a way to build yourself up, usually by putting others down for real or imagined faults.
- BEING PHONY: Pretending to be nice to others while manipulating them to feel like they owe you something for your efforts.
- INCONSISTENT PERSONALITY: You can focus on your positive attributes and view all your behavior as consistent with your positive beliefs about yourself.
- IMAGE: No true sense of self. You copy the behavior of others, often famous, tough or cool people. You often maintain the image of a victim, all for selfish reasons.
- GRANDIOSITY: Making too big a deal out of something to make it appear so totally overwhelming or completely unimportant that avoiding the whole issue is justified.
THINKING ERRORS FOR CONTROLLING OTHERS AND SITUATIONS
- MAKING FOOLS OF: "Getting over on" someone in authority by conning or fooling them by saying things or agreeing to do things when you have no intention of following through.
- ASSUMING: Believing you know what others feel, think, or are doing without checking out the facts and then guiding your actions by these beliefs as if they are true.
- ANGER: Freeze the situation and make it the way you want it to be. Anger is expressed through tantrums, aggression, blaming, isolation, giving up on power plays.
- POWER PLAYS: Stop communication and attempt to intimidate or force others to give in. Often in the form of passive aggression. Make others feel bad or guilty.
- DRAMA/EXCITEMENT: Describing your offensive behaviors in great detail to re-experience the sensations of the original offenses and to build up your image as powerful or control the attention of others.
- CLOSED CHANNEL: Being secretive, closed minded, self-righteous, and not open to information about you from others. It is used to divert issues and conceal the truth.
- OWNERSHIP: Allows you to believe that anything you want is simply yours because you want it. It allows you to treat other people like objects to be used and manipulated.
THINKING ERRORS FOR FAKING BAD
- UNIQUENESS: This is believing you are so unique and special that the rules for others do not apply to you. It allows you to shut others out and say you do not need any help. It allows you to say that no one can understand you and that no one can tell you what to do.
- VICTIM PLAYING: The major goal is to manipulate and control others while justifying inappropriate or hurtful behavior. It is a form of passive aggression and is often used as a power play or a get back at others. The belief is "If I don't get what I want, then I'm a victim." Victim playing is used to avoid responsibility, blame others, avoid solving problems, and to make fools of others. You may victimize yourself when no other reason for the behavior can be found. you behave in a manner that either invites criticism or rescue from others, or leaves others feeling responsible and helpless. In this way it controls others.
THINKING ERRORS FOR AVOIDING RESPONSIBILITY
- EXCUSE MAKING: Finding an explanation to avoid and to justify behavior. Excuses are given whenever someone tries to hold you accountable or responsible for your behaviors.
- BLAMING: Blaming is an excuse not to solve a problem. Blaming is a way of making somebody else responsible for your behavior or problem.
- JUSTIFYING: Your way of explaining the reason for your actions in an effort to make it seem okay. Justifying recognizes the behavior but not that it is wrong to do.
- REDEFINING: Shifting the focus off an issue to avoid solving a problem. Redefining is a power play to get the focus off you and your behavior.
- LYING: Lying is used to confuse others, to distort information, to avoid taking responsibility and make fools out of others. Three types of lying: Commission, Omission, and Assent.
- MINIMIZING: Makes behavior seem insignificant or unimportant. "Only" and "Just."
- VAGUENESS: Purposely being unclear to avoid being pinned down on an issue. It is an attempt to look good and say the right things without committing to anything.
